Chapter 79
Pandora looked away from Lana to Benjamin. She didn’t remember hearing about a sister.
“She was stillborn, Lana clarified, making her gasp.
‘I’m sorry,‘ she said quickly and she gave Pandora a gentle smile.
“When Ben was in here, I couldn’t handle it to say that he forgot to breathe ten times a day, so I started calling it blips.”
Pandora nodded at her in understanding. “It does sound much better, just this is all new, I feel…”
“Clueless? Like you’re being judged for not knowing the right way to do things, or what to do?” Pandora nodded again because that was exactly how she was feeling. “I felt like that, too. I know it seems overwhelming, and that there is so much to learn with the boys being in the NICU. But, Pandora, I have faith, that you can and will learn and be fine,” Lana kissed her head before standing up.
“I think I’ll leave you two with your boys. I need coffee- do either of you need anything?” Pandora shook her head and Lana smiled again before turning and walking out of the door.
“I am so sorry,” she whispered, hating that she was rude to Benjamin’s mom.
“What for, love?”
She turned to him, and saw he was looking over the chart from Jack’s bed. “I was so rude to your Mom a few moments ago.”
Benjamin frowned and his head turned to her. “When?” he asked, and she waved her hand. “Pandora, she has been in your shoes. Believe me, if anyone understands how you feel right now, it’s my mom.”
“I get that but she was just answering you and I freaked out a little bit.”
“You didn’t, you’re just tired, stressed and didn’t know what- Benjamin got cut off by Micheal’s alarm. They both jumped up and Benjamin took her hand in his, and jointly they tapped Micheal’s foot until the alarm stopped. “That’s all there is to it, Pandora. They just need a tap or a foot wiggle and that will remind them to breathe.”
She let out the breath she was holding while nodding at him. “Thank you for showing me,” she whispered, leaning her head on his shoulder “How are the charts? Are they doing okay?”
“Good, they’re both due to eat in about twenty minutes. I say we stay for that and then head back to bed for a little bit. You need your rest, love.” She pouted at him. “Pandora, sweetie, you can’t stay with them all of the time. You need to rest so that you can heal, and be fit and able for when they come home with
us.”
‘I know it’s just hard to not be here with them.”
Believe me, i know. I could spend all day with them, too, but you need to rest. You just gave birth in a moving vehicle. You had two tiny people come out of you in a less–than–desirable way. If this went the way we talked about, they would be spending time in the nursery to give you time to recuperate, so this is not really any different. Well, except the way it happened was faster and sooner than we wanted.”
“But this feels harder.‘
‘Because you’re leaving them?” Lana said softly and Pandora nodded. “Take a photo of them to take back to your room. Then, I’ll take two of you and Benjamin to leave with each of the boys. That way you’ll always be together, even when you are resting and healing.”
“That sounds like a great idea. I want them to know that 1-” she stopped and looked at Benjamin. “That we love them.”
“They know, Pandora, believe me, they know.” She stopped talking and sat down, picking up her knitting from a bag.
The nurse came over and fed Jack and Micheal. The entire time, Pandora’s hands were itching to move her out of the way. It felt as if she was stealing the mother’s job. Not that Pandora had the first clue on how to feed them breast milk through a tube.
Mom, can you take a photo of Pandora and me?‘ Benjamin asked softly handing his mom a camera. He sat next to her and pulled her close. “Smile, Pandora, this is for our boys.”
She forced a smile on her face and Lana clicked, taking hold of the photo as it popped out. “One more for Micheal,” she said, quickly taking another. As she waved them in the air to dry, she passed one to Benjamin and the other to her.
Pandora looked down at it as both Benjamin and her images appeared. A small gasp escaped her as she saw that Benjamin was looking at her. While she couldn’t see his eyes, she knew and felt that they had more emotion in them looking at her than Derrik ever had.
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Chapter 70
“These are good, she whispered, even with the fact she had dark rings around her eyes. She looked a little paler than usual, but there was also a happiness in her eyes that made her seem better than she really felt.
“Okay, let’s put these pictures in with the boys, and get a picture of them for you two.
Benjamin stood up and snapped a photo of each boy, and then set them down to dry as he attached their photos to the plastic cover on each bed.
“Are you ready to head back up to bed?
She looked up at Benjamin to say no but stopped herself. Benjamin looked utterly exhausted. He also had dark rings around his eyes and looked almost asleep on his feet. She cleared her throat, knowing it was not just her that didn’t want to leave, but that he also needed to rest.
With all that in her mind, she nodded at him and stood up.
See you in a few hours, Mom, Benjamin called as he took a hold of Pandora’s hand. Then he led her back to her–their–room.
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