Today, I saw pictures of him at the beach.
There were six or seven people in his group, all
familiar faces
—
classmates and childhood
friends. Guys and girls. They took a lot of group
photos. In the pictures, he was facing the
ocean, his smile bright and genuine. See? He’s
having so much fun without me.
I remembered something I had once told him. I
said I wanted to see the ocean after graduation.
He scoffed, “What’s so great about the ocean?”
He clearly didn’t want to go with me, so I never
brought it up again. So, it wasn’t that he
disliked the ocean, he just disliked going to the
ocean with me.
“She was getting kinda clingy, honestly.” His
words from the pool hall echoed in my ears. His
impatient tone was like a dull knife, twisting in
my gut. I never knew he felt that way about me.
So annoyed that he deliberately lied, saying he
wanted to be a doctor and go to UCLA. He
waited for me to apply, then quietly applied to
NYU instead. Did he dislike me that much,
<
afraid I would follow him to the same college?
I have self–respect. If I had known he felt that
way, I wouldn’t have been so attached to him.
Yet, there were times when I felt his affection…
Ethan and I were practically neighbors, our
families‘ houses next to each other for over a
decade. We first met in kindergarten. My family
had just moved in, and I was crying because I
didn’t know anyone at my new school. Ethan
came over and offered me a lollipop, patting my
head. “Such a pretty little girl shouldn’t cry.”
After that, I became Ethan’s shadow. Wherever
he went, I followed. Not just at school, but at
home too. Discovering we were neighbors, I
would bypass my own house after kindergarten
and head straight to his. My mom was
exasperated, but Ethan’s mom was thrilled,
saying she’d gained a daughter. Even Ethan’s
parents were surprised by his patience with me,
<
He had never liked playing with girls, saying
they were too sensitive and cried easily.
“Ethan, why do you like playing with Chloe?” his
mom asked him once.
“Because Chloe’s pretty, like a doll,” Ethan said,
pinching my cheek. “And she has dimples when
she smiles. I like watching her smile.”
I grinned. “I like playing with Ethan too!”
Pampered by my parents, and with the kindness
of the next–door neighbors, I grew up without a
care in the world. But being spoiled also made
me naive. Even in high school, I still felt like a
child. And I always saw Ethan as an older
brother. It was Ethan who changed that. He
made me realize I was growing up, that I could
have romantic feelings.
In my freshman year of high school, I received
my first love letter. I was stunned. A boy liked
<
me? That kind of like? But I was still just a kid!
Thinking it was funny, I told Ethan about the
letter. His face immediately darkened.
“Chloe, you’re only a freshman. You can’t
date.” He sounded serious.
“Of course not, I don’t even like him,” I replied
without thinking.
“So, if you met someone you liked, you would
date?” He gripped my arm tightly.
“I don’t know…”
“Chloe, I won’t let you like anyone else,” Ethan
said, staring intently at me.
His eyes seemed to burn with intensity. It was
like a switch flipped in my brain. Did… did he
mean what I thought he meant? Did Ethan…
like me?
<
Thanks to years of watching romantic
comedies, my mind immediately conjured up all
sorts of sweet scenarios, with me and him as
the leads. Dating, then getting married… it
didn’t seem so bad? Oh no, I was getting
carried away. My face flushed crimson.
“Anyway, promise me you won’t date in high
school,” Ethan insisted.
Lost in my daydreams, I nodded vigorously.
From then on, I became even more attached to
Ethan. Instead of rushing home to watch
cartoons after school, I would sit by the
basketball court and wait for him to finish
playing, then walk home with him. If he went to
the internet cafe to play games, I would sit at a
nearby table, doing my homework while I
waited. My teenage self was terrible at hiding
my feelings, and everyone could see I liked
Ethan.
The dynamic between us started to shift. He
used to call me “kid” and treat me like a little
sister, always looking out for me. Now, I was
the one taking care of him. He always skipped
breakfast, so I’d bring two portions and make
sure he ate with me on the way to school. I’d
text him to remind him to wear a jacket if the
weather was changing. If he got sick, I’d fuss
over him and make sure he had his medicine.
At first, he teased me about being a “mother
hen,” but he grew increasingly irritated, even
saying I was like his mom, always nagging him. I
felt hurt. I was just worried about him.
Finally, one day, he snapped,
It was during the summer break of our
sophomore year. One of Ethan’s friends was
having a birthday party at a karaoke bar, and
they planned to stay out all night. Ethan was
afraid his mom wouldn’t let him go, so he asked
me to cover for him, saying he was going to a
<
classmate’s house to study and would stay
over. Since I had always been the “good kid” in
the eyes of adults, his mom believed him.
But later that night, I saw pictures on social
media
—
they were at the karaoke bar, drinking.
I was shocked. Ethan had never drunk alcohol
before. He was only in high school! And he was
still recovering from a cold, with a low–grade
fever. Wouldn’t alcohol make him worse? There
were so many empty bottles on the table… how
much had they drunk? I started to panic.
I called Ethan, but he didn’t answer. After
pacing around my room for half an hour, I
couldn’t take it anymore. I went to his house
and told his mom everything.
Ethan’s mom went to the karaoke bar and
brought him home. She also yelled at his friend,
accusing him of being a bad influence. Ethan
was mortified.
<
After being grounded for three days, he called
me and asked to meet. In front of my house, he
yelled at me for the first time. He told me to
stay out of his business.
