10
Lucas has severe psychogenic paranoid personality disorder.
I’m afraid he might see a truck speeding towards him as a drifting cloud, or a gun pointed at him as a delicious ice cream cone.
The world that seems normal to ordinary people could be full of dangers for him.
This is also one of the reasons why I kept him locked up, not letting him go out.
Chloe and I pooled our manpower, then started searching within a hundred–mile radius from her residence,
When I was first interning at the police station, the most common task was finding missing people
But I didn’t know then that looking for someone important to you could be so frantic.
as running in the rain with an umbrella at fast, but later
was too troubletruna
My heart kept pounding, my gaze flitting over one neon sign after another.
I kept asking myself what I was doing, even though I had said I wouldn’t care about him anymore.
Just this one last time, just once, I’ll take care of him this one more time.
Thinking I saw a familiar figure, I rushed forward recklessly, but collided with a bicycle coming around the corner.
“Are you trying to get yourself killed?!”
I was knocked down by the roadside, choked on a mouthful of rainwater, and the skin that scraped against the curb burned painfully.
Just then, my head started to feel dizzy again. I covered my forehead, trying to adjust to my gradually blurring vision.
person saw I couldn’t move and quickly got on their b
I wanted to stand up, but after several attempts, I couldn’t. Falling in the rain, the pers leave.
“It’s not my fault, you ran the red light yourself.
In a daze, I seemed to see a figure bending down beside me.
“Hey, how did you end up like this, you little fool?”
That was… when Lucas and I were partners at the police station.
We
e were chasing a suspect, and he accurately hit the back of the suspect’s spine with a beer bottle from a hundred meters away, then be down to tease mc.
I blinked, and his figure disappeared.
It was still pouring rain, cold raindrops sneaking into my collar.
I got up stumbling and limping. I had been searching for hours but hadn’t found a single clue.
And while I could see Chibe’s people before, now I couldn’t find them either. I was afraid her, subordinates might be careless, so I wanted to give her a call.
But I couldn’t get through.
I had no choice but to go back to the original spot, feeling cold all over.
Lestimated that I couldn’t avoid catching a cold this time. When I unbuttoned my Inner sleeve, I found my wrist was covered in blood.
My head hurt so much it felt like it was about to explode, I planned to go to Chloe’s headquarters first to ask her for some hot water.
But before I reached the spot, I heard people talking.
“Idiot, is that woman still out there searching?”
“Let her search in the rain. Doesn’t she know she’s the most unwelcome person here?”
They had found Lucas.
But not a single person told me.
I walked into the courtyard under those mocking gazes. Inside, Chloe was gently handing a towel to Lucas.
It seemed Lucas didn’t hate Chloe as much as he hated me
I must look pretty pathetic, searching for him alone out there for so long.
The courtyard seemed to quiet down a bit due to my arrival.
My clothes were stained with mud and water, my hair was dripping wet. Suddenly, I remembered the day Lucas was rescued, I went to in such a mess too..
That day, I was riding a bike, it was raining heavily on the way, and because I received the news in such a hurry, I fell several times.
No wonder Lucas hated me. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was me, with my hair wet and sticky, pouncing into his arm
So later, that’s why he hated me so much, right?
I stumbled towards the person standing under the warm lights of the courtyard.
I always felt like I had so many things I wanted to tell him.
But when the words reached my lips, I felt nothing mattered anymore.
So I just stood on tiptoe and patted his head.
“Silly Lucas.”
“Let’s not meet again in the next life, okay?”
11
In early spring, as the last snow melted, Chloe invited the best psychotherapist for Lucas,
In the lazy afternoon sunlight, Lucas lay on a recliner, receiving hypnosis.
“So, my first question is, how do you think you became addicted to drugs?”
The doctor fiddled with his clipboard, while Lucas thought this question was simply stupid.
Of course, it was that woman who got him addicted. Why else would he hate her so much?
“Do you think the reason you hate Emily is because she injected you with drugs?”
This
question was strange. He felt like something wasn’t quite right.
Until the doctor prompted him.
“Or… is it because you want to hate her, so you think she injected you with drugs?”
For the first time, Lucas’s eyes showed confusion.
The doctor closed his notebook and smiled at him.
“We’ll end our first treatment here, Mr. Lin. You can think about what we discussed today.
The second treatment was on a misty morning.
The doctor pushed a box towards him containing three syringes.
—in time we’ll divide into three sessions. I heard your drug cravings acted up again last night, Mr. Lin. This injection can ease your suffering
and help you remember?
the question I want to ask you is, when was the first time you used drugs?”
Is the process of psychological treatment painful?
Lucas didn’t know. He only knew that every time he tried to recall this question, it was excruciatingly painful.
gony, she immediately changed the subject out of conce
Emily had asked the same question before, but when he clutched his head in agony,
But now, the doctor in front of him clearly had no intention of letting him off.
If Emily had made him take drugs, then the first person to make him use should have been her too. But when he opened his mouth, he j couldn’t
say her name
A dull pain struck his head, and blurry images appeared before his eyes,
“Little Lin, first time using? Let me tell you, this is how you do it.”
Looking up, it seemed to be a dark, damp basement, with several people surrounding him.
In the chaos, a straw was forced in front of his eyes.
He was pressed down and took a puff, immediately feeling nauseous.
Later, later what happened…
His consciousness sank into a groggy darkness.
Today is May 5th, the beginning of summer.
But the heat doesn’t seem to have arrived yet. Emily sat on the hospital bed, touching her head.
Oh, her head was shaved for the surgery.
I still can’t figure it out.”
Ryan leaned against her hospital bed with his arms crossed.
“The last time you saw Lucas, why didn’t you give him a piece of your mind?”
That rainy night was indeed the last time she saw him.
And she knew deeply that there might never be another chance to meet again.
She smiled and lightly kicked Ryan.
“What do you know? When a person is about to die, their words become kind.”
Ryan rubbed his head, sniffled, and shook his head,
“I really don’t understand. Hey,
y, do you love Lucas that much?”
Ryan put his hands in his pockets, looking at the girl who had already shaved her head.
Actually, she had been suffering a lot these days, often tossing and turning at night unable to sleep due to pain. The nurses told him all this.
Do you love Lucas that much?
Emily had thought about this question too, many times, when Lucas was choking her, looking at her with cold eyes.
In fact she loved that version of Lucas too
“I love you no matter what you become.”
This was what she wrote in a card for Lucas a long time ago.
Now, she had truly lived up to those words.
The third treatment was on an afternoon filled with cicada chirps.
“I’ve been having dreams lately.”
Lucas covered his forehead. This was the first time he had spoken to the doctor voluntarily.
The doctor raised his eyebrows and leaned forward to look at him.
“Can you describe the contents of your dreams in detail?
It was
nothing but killing and arson.
In his dreams, he was a small–time gangster in an organization
Or rather, he slowly climbed up from being a small–time gangster.
He began to gain the trust of the boss there, and the price of that trust was getting addicted to various drugs.
He used drugs in front of those people, then felt his gums. One day, he started to notice his face turning pale, as pale as death.
And on that day, he obtained crucial information about the organization’s transactions.
He had taken too many drugs and was stumbling, in the end, he saw a figure in a white dress.
A wedding dress.
He remembered he had promised to marry someone.
But…
Looking at
at the dense needle marks on his arm.
Did he really deserve it?
“Emily, you’ll be fine, it’s okay, don’t cry”
“Don’t cry, take deep breaths. The doctor will be here soon to prepare you for surgery. Ah, stop crying.”
Ryan held the girl tightly.
But the girl on the bed kept shaking, blood trickling from her seven orifices.
She kept whimpering, saying she was in so much pain, she felt like she was dying.
She used to be a police officer, and she hadn’t cried like this even when pinned down and beaten by criminals.
How painful must it be?
“I don’t want to die.”
“I dont want to die. What should I do. Lucas?TM
She mistook him for someone else.
After the surgery, she lay on the hospital bed.
Constantly calling out a name.
“Lucas:
Lucas…
The fourth treatment.
It was the last syringe the doctor pushed towards him.
The doctor said this dose was larger than the previous two and could help him recall things buried deep in his memory that he was relu to remember.
Those were… the most p
I painful things for him.
He tilted his head, not feeling that anything could be more painful than his current situation.
So, the syringe was slowly pushed into his body.
After a moment of blank consciousness, he saw a figure.
He thought, what could be painful for him?
Nothing but the dark basement, the bloody scene of raising a knife against his colleagues, and himself slowly becoming addicted to drugs
But it wasn’t any of those. He only saw endless rain.
A figure stood under the streetlight, reached out, and patted his head.
“Silly
Lucas.
“Let’s not meet again in the next life, okay?!
His heart suddenly contracted painfully.
Why did it feel so painful?
Why did it hurt so much?
He was supposed to hate her the most.
He stood there stunned, remembering a long time ago when she came home and hugged him.
He remembered once when he suddenly pushed her away, and she hit her head on the bedside table, cutting it open.
The bright red blood pierced his eyes, like a sharp knife cutting into him.
But in the end, he didn’t help her up.
In the end, his tone didn’t soften even a bit,
He had finally driven her away
He got what he wanted.
Emily had a dream on her hospital bed.
No matter what she and I was would in
That rendezvous was on a subway train.
During rush hour, people were hurrying about.
In the process of people pushing and squeezing, she was suddenly hugged by someone.
Her wrist was squeezed three times, the pre–arranged signal.
Lucas was right behind her, coughing lightly.
Lucas didn’t used to smoke, but now his body was wrapped in a thin layer of tobacco scent.
“The next transaction location is Songge Bar.”
In the swaying carriage, she suddenly gripped his wrist.
“You… still injected?”
She asked softly.
There were several smail needle marks on his wrist.
The subway passed through a tunnel, and in the fleeting reflection of the advertisement boards, he was silent for a moment.
Then he softly grunted in affirmation.
He pushed her hand away, then walked off the subway with the flow of people.
“Emily! Wake up! Hang in there.”
Someone was pushing her hospital bed, running. Someone was calling her name,
She opened her eyes slightly and found her vision blurry. Oh, the doctor had said during yesterday’s consultation that the tumor was pressing on her optic nerve.
She
e would never see again.
She opened her mouth and found she could still speak.
Foggy and ha
hazy.
Ryan put his car close to her mouth and heard her say softly.
“That day, I shouldn’t have asked him.”
“He must have thought I despised him.”
“But, if it’s him, what does it matter even if he’s addicted to drugs?”
wheels rolled across the floor, and amid the panicked sounds, Emily was pushed into the operating room for the last time.
at the same moment, Chloe hung a string of star lights in the hallway.
The warm air made people drowsy, the glass–like light falling into Lucas’s eyes,
He was waiting for the new year to come,
Fireworks burst crisp and bright in the sky.
Today was supposed to be the last treatment, right?
But the doctor didn’t come.
Lucas sat in the chair, Chloe said today was New Year’s Eve, so the room had already been decorated cozily.
But even until night, the doctor didn’t come.
Chloe wasn’t there either.
He sat there for a while.
Perhaps he didn’t need treatment anymore.
Some memories had already resurfaced, tossing and turning him in his recent dreams, crushing him, then piecing him back together.
He slowly walked to the mirror.
His fingers formed a gun, pointing at his own neck.
The final task that day was.
His boss was always ruthless, known for his cruelty.
In simple terms, a madman, yet he had to extract information from a madman.
The operation was about to conclude, with only his crucial part left.
As long as he wasn’t exposed that night, it would be a great success.
But at that critical moment, his crazy boss wanted him to perform a “skylight opening for the buyers.
What’s a skylight opening? It’s injecting a large amount of heroin into your carotid artery.
That was the transaction location. He only had one choice.
Point the needle at himself.
Only this way would his colleagues sacrifices not be in vain, the carefully laid net not have gaps, and large quantities of drugs not flood the market on the crowded New Year’s Eve.
But no one knew what would happen with a skylight opening.
Convulsions, massive hallucinations, death, deeply rooted addiction.
He smiled, staring into the boss’s s eyes, unhesitatingly plunging the needle into his skin.
In the split second before his brain was stimulated to contract violently, he thought
He had to push his girl away.
Him, who had opened the skylight.
Him, who now craved drugs uncontrollably.
who was addicted and mired in the quagmire,
Him, w
No longer… deserved her.
The New Year’s bell rang, a loud sound that startled him awake. He gasped, looking at himself in the mirror.
11:23 AM
<
Neon lights flashed outside the window, with tinkling sounds ringing out
His heart, which hadn’t beaten properly for a long time, recovered. He suddenly stood up and ran out the door.
People on the street were hurrying about. He ran like a madman
After d
discovering his drug addiction, he never wrote to her again, and never went to their secret base.
So, he had never seen the last card she sent him.
The mailbox beside the old elementary school looked neglected. Without a key, he shook the mailbox.
Perhaps his brute force worked; the mailbox door burst open.
A pile of rotten petals spilled out, along with a yellowed card,
Wiping off the dust, the ink had long since faded.
He trembled as he held the card, his heart inexplicably aching.
He looked blankly into the distance.
The call of an unknown bird echoed.
They say it’s the sound of mourning for the departed,
12
At the memorial hall.
et of white fl
flowers in front of
nt of her urn.
He placed a bouquet of
Those who came to m
came to mourn were all former colleagues. After regaining his memory, Lucas could recognize quite a few of them.
Someone waved to him outside the memorial hall.
It seemed to be Ryan, a former undercover agent who joined at the same time as him.
He walked over. Ryan walked in front of him, saying he wanted to take him somewher
After many twists and turns, they finally arrived at a deserted place,
Ryan looked around, making sure there was no one nearby.
Then a fist landed on his face.
“You bastard”
“This punch is for Emily”
“This kick is for Emily too?
Tuck you
“You animal, do you know how much Emily suffered when she died?”
“Even in that state, do you know she was still calling your name?”
“Where the fuck were you then, you son of a bitch
The man punched and kicked him, seemingly wanting to unleash all the most vicious curses on him
<
an punched and kicked him, seemingly wanting to unleash all the most vicious curses on him.
The man
Even like this, he just leaned against the wall, taking it all.
The setting sun cast a hazy light on the two opposing figures.
Crows cawed through the corridor.
He didn’t move, his eyes as lifeless as a dead man’s, staring at nothing.
Ryan grabbed his collar and said softly.
“Don’t think about killing yourself.”
“That would be too easy for you. Enjoy this hell on earth.”
Yes, hell on earth.
The addiction wasn’t gone, and now, there was an added thought that tore into his flesh and blood whenever he thought of it.
The man beat him and left. So he leaned there in the corridor alone for a while.
Then he stumbled to his feet.
The mourners were dispersing. He walked on the street.
He acted like nothing had happened, flipping through the phone in his pocket
The phone rang. It was the doctor reminding him to remember to go to rehab.
He replied with a quick “got it, then put his hand in his pocket, wanting to light a cigarette.
But after several attempts, he couldn’t find one.
A bicycle bell rang nearby. It was a group of high school students,
I smiled and walked towards him.
“Silly boy, you’re going to hit someone.”
A boy on a bike reached out and ruffled the hair of the girl cycling
The bell sound gradually faded away.
But he suddenly stopped there.
An energetic little dog pulled its flustered owner along.
The old man selling rice cakes resumed his
after a brief pause.
No one knew why the man standing by the roadside suddenly broke down crying.
A leaf fluttered down.
That day, the words she wrote to him were:
““Lucas, fil- love you no matter what you become ”
(The End)
