Nature is not a place to visit 36

Chapter 36
*“Here we were again, always saying goodbye.”*
*Maggie Stiefvater*
The relief that Ambrose didn’t plan to actually leave me behind was short-lived. The comfort turned to dread in my
stomach when I realized that leaving with Ambrose meant leaving my home. Leaving Hudson. Leaving Rae. Leaving the
people who’d seen the first hairs on my head sprout, lose my parents, learn how to drive, and become an adult.
“It’s not as if you’ll never see them again,” Ambrose reassured me. “This is not a final goodbye.” He pulled me into his
arms, and I soaked in his warmth.
I had been two days since he’d brought up leaving my pack, and since then, I’d be dreading the conversation I’d need to
have with Hudson and Rae.
“I know,” I sighed. “It just feels weird to think about leaving them all behind.”
“Moving on is a natural part of life,” he told me, “When you’re as old as I am, change becomes a necessary evil.”
“And how old are you *exactly*?” I asked. It wasn’t every day that your mate turned out to be an immortal deity. The
curiosity was killing me.
He narrowed his eyes at me.
“Maybe just a ballpark number?” I offered.
“Why are you so consumed with finding out my age?”
“Maybe I just want to find out if our age gap ends in triple or quadruple digits.”
He huffed, turning away from me. “I never realized my mate would be such a curious little thing.”
I opened my mouth to retort, but we were interrupted by a new voice.
“Ollie!”
It was Hudson jogging his way over to us. I could tell by the sweat clinging to his shirt and the hair stuck to his forehead
he’d been training.
“Dude, you look like you need a shower,” I said.
“Whatever,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes at me. “Anyway, I’m sending out some scout teams to the Blood Moon territory.
I’m going with, and I was curious if you – or you, uh, guys –” His eyes flickered to Ambrose uneasily. “ – wanted to come with. I’ll have to see what kind of state the pack house is in, maybe find a place for us.”
I could feel Ambrose’s eyes drilling a hole into my head. He didn’t say anything out loud, but he didn’t need to.
He wanted me to tell Hudson.
I’d been avoiding it the past two days, dragging my feet on telling my brother I didn’t plan to go to the Blood Moon
territory with him.
But I wasn’t sure if I could keep avoiding it, not when he was making plans like this.
I took a deep breath.
“Actually,” I said, scratching the back of my neck, “Maybe we should take a walk and talk for a few minutes.”
I could see Hudson’s eyebrows furrow in concern but he nodded.
Ambrose squeezed my hand, but it did little to unravel the coiled dread in my stomach. Half of me wanted to just get this
conversation over with, throw it back like a shot of vodka, and cringe at the aftertaste. The other part of me wanted to
prolong it forever.
Hudson and I made it nearly half a mile into the forest with nothing but the sound of branches breaking under our feet
before he broke the silence.
“Alright,” he said, “What is it? Get whatever bad news you have off your chest.”
“How did you know it’s bad news?”
He rolled his eyes at me. “You asked me to take a walk with you.”
“Yeah, I guess that does signal bad news,” I said, “Nobody asks to take a walk unless they’re gearing up to tell you they
want a divorce or they’ve got cancer.” I paused. “Not that I’ve got cancer or anything.”
“Well, at least we’re starting off with some good news,” he replied sarcastically.
Tense silence settled over us.
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“So, I guess I should just come out with it,” I finally said, fiddling with my fingers nervously. “I know you’re all set on
moving the pack to the Blood Moon territory, and I understand why, but…”
“You don’t agree with me,” he cut me off, sighing, “I knew you wouldn’t, and I understand why you don’t, Ollie, but it’s what’s best for the pack.”
“It’s not that,” I said.
“Oh, you want to talk about Rae’s punishment,” he said, “I know you think I was too hard on her, but I had to do
something. She needed real consequences, and –”
“I’m leaving,” I blurted out.
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complete story. Head over there to dive into the next chapter—it’s all free! His eyes widened and he stopped dead in his tracks. “What?”
“I’m, uh, not moving to the Blood Moon territory with you or the pack,” I explained, “Not because I disagree with you,
but…Ambrose wants to return to his home. And I’m going with him.”
Hudson stared at me, his face settling into an expression I couldn’t read.
He stayed like that for several moments, just looking at me.
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. “Okay, you have to say something. You know I can’t stand awkward silences.”
I expected to see anger or sadness, maybe even guilt on his face.
Instead, his face bloomed into a small smile.
“I think you should go, Ollie.”
If a harsh breeze had flown through the trees at that moment, I might’ve tipped over.
“You want me to go?” I echoed in disbelief.
He nodded slowly. “Yes.”
“Even though I’ll be leaving the pack behind?” *Even though I’ll be leaving you behind*, I wanted to say but didn’t.
“I knew you’d move on eventually when you met your mate,” he said, “I didn’t expect him to be the Moon God, but…I
knew this day would come.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
For a moment, I saw his smile crack. “You’re my sister, Ollie. I want you to be happy. That’s something our pack can
longer make you.”
Sadness welled up inside me.
I didn’t hesitate to burrow myself into his chest, and he responded instantly, wrapping his arms around me.
“I’m sorry,” I said, and I was grateful he couldn’t see the tears forming in my eyes – even if he could probably smell them.
“I’m sorry I’m leaving.”
“You don’t need to be sorry,” he said, “And for the record, this wasn’t bad news, Ollie. It was good news.”
As we embraced, I could smell his tears too.
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Rae did not take the news as well as Hudson did.
“You’re leaving? Just like that?” She asked, her voice filled with anger. Her arms were crossed over her chest, her mouth
pulled into a frown. “You’re not even moving with the pack?”
“No,” I said, “There’s not much point in putting down roots somewhere I don’t plan to live.”
She scoffed. “Of course not. Much easier to leave.”
“Look, it’s not that I want to leave the pack, but –”
“Then don’t.”
“Ambrose wants to go home. It’s been a thousand years since he’s seen it – I think he deserves that..”
“So? He can go home,” she huffed.
“He’s my mate, Rae,” I said, “You know it doesn’t work like that.”
From the sour expression on her face, I knew she could tell I was right. She had to know, deep down, this was a senseless
argument. She wasn’t going to change my mind.
But this was Rae – she fought battles even when there wasn’t anything worth fighting for anymore.
“The pack will be fine without me,” I started when she didn’t say anything, “Hudson is a good Alpha and the pack –”
“This isn’t about the pack,” she suddenly cut me off, her voice barely below a yell. She took a step forward, her teeth
pulled into a snarl. “The pack may not need you, but I do. I mean, hell, I can’t even go with you. I’m tied to this pack. For
years, probably. Maybe longer.”
For the second time that day, I found myself offering an apology. “I’m sorry.”
I watched as her aggressive facade slowly crumbled, leaving nothing but the sadness beneath. Her eyes shone with tears.
“Don’t fucking apologize,” she said, but her voice was much quieter this time.
“Then what should I do?”
“Just be fucking happy,” she replied, and then she was embracing me. I took in her familiar scent – it smelled like home.
“Go be happy and make it worth it. If I’m going to spend my days here, miserable and alone and running border patrols,
I want it to be worth it. I want you to be happy.”
I wanted to tell her I would, that she could come to visit me anytime or that I’d travel back when I was able, but I didn’t.
Instead, I just hugged my best friend closer and hoped she could feel everything I didn’t say