I didn’t respond. What was there to say? My
head was pounding. I felt like I was dying.
“If that’s all, I’ll hang up.”
“You left your medicine in my car. Do you want me to bring it up?”
“No.”
“Okay, I won’t come up. Just… please stop
crying.” He sounded… cautious. I’d never heard
him like this. But I couldn’t deal with his
concern right now. My own life was a mess.
“Did your mom tell you off?”
“Don’t you think you’re overstepping?”
Ho warn’t offended “le this banques of mo?”
<
- ))
He wasn’t offended. “Is this because of me?”
“I’m tired,” I said, wanting to end the
conversation.
“What will make you stop crying? It’s… upsetting me.”
Hearing him upset gave me a twisted sense of satisfaction. But then I remembered how he’d
turned my life upside down. “Just stay away from me!”
He paused. “Okay.”
16
I didn’t see Ethan at work the next day, or the
next few days. A colleague told me he was
away on executive training.
“Probably for a month.”
“Maybe longer. It’s a big deal. They might
92
transfer him to a bigger city.”
“He’s so talented. He’ll definitely be moving on.”
A familiar pang of sadness hit me, like when he’d left for college. History was repeating itself. My life felt like a broken record.
Once I recovered from my cold, I buried myself in work, avoiding my apartment, where every corner reminded me of Josh. I changed the locks and haven’t seen him since. Focusing
solely on work, I started to excel. My supervisor.
even entrusted me with more responsibility.
One evening, Josh intercepted me outside the
office.
“Amy, can we work things out?” He looked
surprisingly okay, not the devastated mess I’d
expected. Adult breakups weren’t dramatic
movie scenes, I guess.
<
“Josh, let’s just block each other.”
He flinched, a brief flash of sadness crossing
his face. “Amy, I bought a house. I put down the
down payment. We were… good…”
“Don’t do this, Josh. Let’s both move on.” His
tone softened me a little. Despite everything, I
didn’t want to be enemies.
“If we’re not together, your name won’t be on
the deed.”
I paused. What?
“Just give me back my money, Josh. Find a
nice girl and put her name on it,” I said, forcing
a smile.
“The money’s gone. I used it for the down
payment.’
My blood ran cold. So that was his game. I was
<
shocked. This was the responsible, stable Josh?
He’d taken my money, all those paychecks he’d
“managed,” and used them for a house I
wouldn’t even live in?
“Josh, that was my money.”
“You can’t prove it.”
“Don’t do this!” I felt betrayed, my mind
reeling.
“Get back together with me, Amy. I’ll put your
name on the house.”
“You think that’s even a possibility?” I laughed
mirthlessly.
“It is. If you want it.” He looked at me intently. I
found it pathetic.
“I. Don’t. Want. It.”
<
I turned and walked away.
92
Back home, I felt like a complete failure. Olivia called, catching me at my lowest.
“I heard you called off the wedding?” She
sounded shocked.
“Yeah.”
“That’s fantastic!”
Me: blink blink
“I never liked that Josh guy. Only you would put
up with him for so long. I couldn’t stand him for
a day!”
“Fantastic? My family thinks I’m a joke.”
“Who cares? This is your life, Amy! Being stuck
with someone you don’t love would be a
nightmare. I’m going to marry someone I’m
<
crazy about. No exceptions.”
“Not everyone can be as ‘reckless‘ as you.”
“It’s not reckless, it’s called self–love.”
Self–love? Was choosing who you loved self-
love? That wasn’t a choice I felt I had. I thought
of Ethan. Six years ago, I didn’t have a choice.
Now, neither.
“What if the one you love doesn’t love you
back?”
“Then make him love you! You’re gorgeous,
Amy. Who wouldn’t love you?” She went back
to her usual cheerleading routine.
Despite my eyeroll, her words lifted my spirits. I
envied her confidence, her courage. Maybe I’d
had that once, but adulting had chipped away
at it.
The nut day.
<
The next day, I heard Ethan was back. He’d
turned down the transfer and stayed. A strange
feeling fluttered in my chest.
I didn’t have time to dwell on it. I’d calculated
how much Josh had taken
–
about $20,000. I
contacted a lawyer who told me to gather all
the bank statements and chat logs. My chances
of getting it back were good. Relieved, I
finished compiling the documents. It was late.
The office was empty.
“Calculating something?” a voice said from
behind me. I jumped, turning to see Ethan.
“Nothing!” I quickly covered my notes.
“Working late again?”
“Just leaving.” I gathered my things, but he
stopped me. “Want a ride?”
“No, thanks.” I was confused.
9:07
92
He leaned against my desk, sighing. “Then walk
me out?”
As I got closer, I smelled alcohol on his breath.
He’d been out celebrating his return,
apparently. How did he end up back at the
office drunk?
“You seem fine. I can call you a cab
downstairs.” I grabbed my bag.
He didn’t move, just smiled.
“What?” Did I have something on my face?
His smile vanished. He followed me to the
elevator, his steps slightly unsteady. I stayed
quiet, watching him. It was the first time I’d
seen him drunk.
“Know why I came back?” he asked suddenly,
glancing at me.
I froze. Was it… me? No, impossible.
“No,” I said.
He gave me a look. “Heartless.”
