The love is deep and shallow
Chapter 1
So, my brother’s best friend, Jake, and I had
been doing this secret five–year thing, and we
were supposed to go public on New Year’s Eve.
Major reveal, right? But at the party, he didn’t
say a word about us. Instead, he leans in close, like it’s some big joke, and whispers, “I’m kinda done with you. Why don’t you go find someone else to marry, okay?”
I just nodded, calm as you please, and said
okay.
Last time, I’d cried and begged him, totally obsessed with the idea of marrying him, him specifically. I got my wish, but then he turned into this cold, emotionless guy, wouldn’t even look at me during sex. And when I was in the hospital, bleeding out during childbirth, he was
off at Disneyland with his precious ex,
celebrating her birthday.
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That’s when it finally clicked. Love you have to
beg for is never going to last.
This time around, I just smile and say, “Yeah,
I’m over it too. Let’s call it quits.”
1
Jake blinked at me like I’d spoken Klingon. He clearly thought he’d misheard. I was usually this firecracker, ready to blow up at the slightest thing. Why was I suddenly being so chill?
He ditched the joking tone and looked at me real serious, “Riley, you know what I just said, right?”
I kept the smile on my face, light and breezy, “Sure, you said I should find someone new, right?”
Last time, if he’d said even half a thing I didn’t
like. I’d have been on him like a cat with claws.
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digging in until he begged for mercy. But not
this time. I was choosing me.
Jake frowned, “Riley, what’s gotten into you?”
Before he could finish, a glass shattered
nearby, and a blonde woman burst out the door
crying. People at the next table turned to stare.
My brother, Liam, nudged Jake with his elbow,
“Wasn’t that your ex who just went full drama
queen? What’s she doing here, dude?”
“New Year’s, man, you can’t just go around
breaking stuff. Was it because of you?”
Jake’s brow furrowed even deeper, and he
stalked off after her. A few minutes later, the
crying quieted down, turning into what sounded
like a lovers‘ spat.
The food kept coming, and I just picked at what
was on my plate. Usually, every dish they
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brought out, I’d grab some and put it in Jake’s
little bowl. It was a habit from way back, since
his work phone was always ringing, and he’d
often have to run off mid–meal.
My brother always made a big deal about it, getting jealous: “Seriously, you’re always
feeding Jake, like I’m not even here. You totally have a thing for him, don’t you?”
More than once I almost blurted out the truth,
but Jake would always create a distance with
me, tousling my hair like I was his kid sister,
calling me his “adopted sis“. It was clear. He
wasn’t interested in going public with us.
Five long years, and not a single post on social
media about us, not even on that “only me”
setting. He didn’t want there to be any trace of
us, any evidence we had actually been together.
But I was so stupidly in love with him that I just
accepted being in the shadows.
10:18
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Seeing me picking at food, my brother teased, “Why don’t you go check on your boy, or he’ll run off with another girl.”
I paused, fork in hand.
“If he runs off with another girl, that’s his business, not mine.”
“I mean, what can an adopted sis do, right?”
Liam stared at me, like he was trying to figure me out.
It was Jake’s birthday, and we had plans to make it official. But here he was, inviting his old flame, Sarah.
Then Jake came back in with Sarah. Her eyes
were red and puffy, like she’d been crying. Jake was holding her hand, trying to soothe her.
My brother whistled.
10:18
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1000
“Jake, Sarah, did you guys get back together?” “It’s not cool to throw things on a big holiday, is there a reason why?”
Jake looked up quickly, his eyes darting over to me, panic in his eyes.
“Don’t be ridiculous, she’s just an old friend. I was just making sure she was okay.”
My brother smirked, “Oh, an old friend, huh?
I’m an old friend too
TLC?”
–
wanna show me some
Jake pushed him away, laughing, “Get lost,
man!”
Seeing Sarah acting like a damsel in distress, I
pulled my brother away, “Leave them alone,
bro. Let them have their moment. Right, Jake?”
I turned to him with a wide smile, “Right, bro?”
Jake looked a little shocked by the word choice,
glanced at me strangely, but didn’t say anything
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10:18
and left the room with Sarah.
As soon as they left, people started gossiping. “I told you the old flame never dies down! The way they were tonight, they are totally gonna
get back together”
“Right, she needed a kidney, and Jake gave hers. What a crazy love story.”
“Yeah, she got back in the US, there was no chance they are not gonna get back together.”
Hearing this, my heart ached. Their destinies
were linked. And here I was, looking like a fool,
trying to keep a relationship in secret.
Last time, once Jake and I were married, things
went sideways fast. He wouldn’t touch me,
wouldn’t even sleep in the same room. He
barely talked to me, and insisted we have
separate sets of dishes. And when his parents
wanted a grandkid, he forced himself to be
intimato domanding lights off and chut hin
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intimate, demanding lights off, and shut his
eyes the entire time, as if he was being tortured.
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The very next day, he was spending the night at Sarah’s place and wouldn’t come home.
One winter, I came down with the flu, and was utterly drained. I asked him to take me to the hospital, but he refused, making up some work excuse and went to the nail salon with Sarah
instead. The nail artist even told them they looked like a very happy married couple.
When I went into labor, I was home alone.
Bleeding and screaming for help, I called him. He finally blew up at me: “It’s just having a baby, it’s not like I’m telling you to go die, what’s your problem?”
“Get a cab and go to the hospital. I’m busy;
gotta go.” He hung up on me. When I tried
calling back, his phone was off. Meanwhile,
10:18
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Sarah’s social media was blowing up with pics of Jake celebrating her birthday at Disneyland. He’s kissing her in every pic. It was at that very moment, I gave up on everything. If he doesn’t love me, what is the point of having a child?
I let go of my grip on life, threw my phone out the window, and watched the blood spill out all around me. I died of blood loss, but even then, Jake thought I was overreacting.
At the birthday party, with the main guy gone, people went back to doing their own thing. I didn’t have the mood for it, and after dinner, I was gone. Jake who used to text me every three minutes, tonight was totally silent.
Outside, New Year’s fireworks were exploding. But I wasn’t feeling it.
At midnight, a firework lit up the window. Jake, who never posted anything, suddenly updated
his feed. The picture had Sarah leaning on his
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shoulder, sound asleep, looking so peaceful and
innocent. The caption: “Her”.
It had barely been up a minute when the
comments went wild.
“Congrats!”
